It's amazing how I can connect with others in a surrogate fashion. I bet I could carry on a relationship with a dead person all on my own.

choose life
As we age our capacity for joy increases. Choose life. Look for the light that leads to goodness and follow it. You cannot imagine the joy that you will find. You are not ready to comprehend it now. Just believe and choose the light of life.

Sometimes pain beyond bearing necessitates calling for help. There's nothing weak in that. We are here to survive together. So choose life. Choose the light of life and live on.

My friend is fixated on the notion of a feeling that he thinks he's entitled to and that he thinks will solve all his problems. He's searching for it by trying different combinations. My friend, I must tell you that none of those combinations work. They cannot stop time or alter the past. You have a path set before you and you must take it. There is just the one sane way. Only you can save you. Only you can do it. You don't have to do it alone but it can be only you. Only you can be the one. I know you can do it. You can walk the razor's edge. Do it and be whole again. I love you. Nothing should be. Everything is.

Recovering from Loss Redux
1. Same
2. Same
3. Same
4. Everything Is. In this phase you look around you and notice that things have changed. You may have hung onto some nice memories and habits from the old life, but you realize they are not necessary now. Sometimes called "internalizing the other." You now divest yourself of things you no long need and start from the beginning to have a life just like you did when you graduated from high school or college or started your first job. All is new and different. You stop making decisions the old way and begin making decisions based on what is. It's very exciting. Just don't go out of your way to begin the process of getting a new SO. You aren't ready. Believe me.

There just aren't enough hours in the day. I need a better time budget.

I love you all. Thanks for hanging around.

Went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Art "Art After Hours." I loved it! Mingling with nicely dressed, polite people to the tunes of a live band playing jazz. Little 10 minute tours with topics like "The Eyes Have It" and poetry readings in marbled courtyards. Every week there's a different flavored martini. This week it was Apple. Scrumptious! Then there's the 3-tastes-for-a-dollar wine tasting. This week wines by First Colony south of Charlottesville.

The guards apparently haven't got the message it's a party. What a sour-faced bunch of killjoys. They have a fetish about the guard rail that overlooks the marbled court where the party's held. Apparently it's dangerous to lean against it. You can put your hands on it but not lean against. I suppose if I lean too hard I might just push it over and fall 50 ft to my death (or my maiming and a law suit). The guard says no leaning is for my protection! I think not. I may just call the museum tomorrow and complain. It's so stupid. Really ruins the experience.

My theory on recovering from loss:

1. Everything Was Wonderful Phase: Only the good things come to mind in great detail. Because it was so wonderful you are angry and in pain. This goes on until you have relived in detail all the great times and most excellent qualities of the lost one.


2. Everything Was Awful Phase: Only the bad things come to mind in great detail. You feel some relief that the lost one is gone and some guilt that you don't miss them more or feel worse. (There's no winning this one.)


3. Everything Was: At this point you achieve a sort of balance. When you relive an event or memory you see both sides and can see good and bad in what you have lost.

It takes a long while to get through this and there's no telling when somewhere down the road something will come up and smack you in the head and remind you that, yes, you are alone. Suddenly you will be back at the beginning of the process, just like it was yesterday. The "acceptance" part takes a long time.

Once I love someone they stay with me forever. Yep. It never ends. Love's like that.